Have a Command Center You Can Be Proud Of - Family Laws

Rules and consequences.  Trying to help your kids become the best they can be in this crazy world that we live in.  Wondering what is the right way and the wrong way.  Is there a wrong way to discipline?  

Oh my.  Being a mom is not easy.  I really want to help my girls be the best they can be and make this world a little bit better.  I have read countless books on parenting and motherhood.  I tend to lean toward the natural consequences way of parenting.  You know if you don't eat your food then you will be really hungry.  I don't like to do punishments.  

So when there isn't a way to have a natural consequence then I want it to be logical.  I want it to make sense and I want it to be a learning opportunity not just a form of punishment.  I have worked through these rules and the consequences that go with them for almost a year now.  I have tweaked and changed them numerous times, until I have what I like to call our family laws.  

I love to call them laws because also this past year we have been learning a different value a month (as mentioned earlier).  We have learned these values based on the book "Teaching your Children Values".  I love the basic principles in this book.  

The last value(s) that are taught are justice and mercy and since laws go hand in hand with justice I thought it was fitting.  I had my family rules pretty well established and then we got to this part of the book and I realized that my rules pretty much followed the suggested laws in the book.  So I made my laws coincide with the suggested laws and added a few things to work for my family.  

After a year of working through the kinks here are the 5 laws for our family.  They are in the last column of our command center and I love the way it works.  They can easily be reviewed since they are displayed in our home.  It is also an easy way for friends to see what our family laws are.  

1.  Law of Order - This law is basically cleaning up after yourself.  Also, don't try to get something or do something that is too high or too heavy.  The logical consequence that goes with this law is toy jail.  Basically toys being taken away for a set period of time.  Also, if it isn't toys (clothes, books, papers, shoes, etc.) then any of the other family members can throw the items of a family member on their bed.  Then they need to put it away before bed.

2.  Law of Family Responsibilities - This one is being responsible for your chores, homework, practicing different activities they are part of, and morning, afternoon, and evening routines.  This consequence isn't really a huge consequence, but if they DO finish these things all week long then they get a bonus on their allowance each week. If not, then they don't.

3.  Law of Peace - For some sad reason this one is the hardest one for my oldest to do.  This includes no hitting, kicking, throwing, biting, fighting, yelling, or whining.  Don't throw fits. Being nice to yourself and others.  This also includes saying thank you, please, your welcome, and I'm sorry.  If there is fighting going on between the two girls then they have to sit on a bench downstairs until they are ready to say what THEY did wrong.  Then they each say what they did wrong and then hug and move on.  In the book, this is called the repenting bench.  If it is whining or general fit throwing or negative attitude then the consequence is alone time in rooms.

4.  Law of Obedience - Pretty self explanatory, listen to adults and don't say no.  This one has different consequences depending on what is actually going on.  Sometimes the consequence might be to leave wherever we are at.  Other times it might be to force them to do whatever it is.  That might be to physically remove them from a dangerous situation.  If things get really bad then I might have to enforce a punishment of no time on the tablet that day.  It might be as simple as a consequence of being sent to their rooms.  This is one law that I like to teach mercy on.  I like to always ask as a parent using the word, "please".  Then I also like to give them a second chance (showing mercy).  So if they say no, then I always say, "Try again." If they say no again then I can follow it up with a consequence that is listed above.

5.  Law of Asking - This one is not a hard one for my oldest.  However, I have a gut feeling that it is going to be hard one for my youngest.  Maybe I am wrong.  However, I can see teenage years being another time where this law comes in handy.  This includes asking before you do something, like inviting friends over or going anywhere.  Also, if you need something then ask.  The logical consequences are if you leave when friends are over or do something without asking when friends are over then a break from those friends is a must.  Also, if you do something without asking then when they want to do that again the answer will be no the next time just to remind them to ask when the times comes again.

I am happy with these laws and the matching consequences.  I have already seen success in them.  With that said there is still a lot of learning to be had in the Matthews home, but that's life, right?!