The next thing I started to see was a lack of motivation. I sat around and watched Downton Abbey for hours on end after my daughter was down for a nap or for the night. I would barely eat and I would just lay there. This went on for a couple of days and then the intrusive thoughts started.
"Maybe I have something terribly wrong with me!" "What if I have cancer and I die and I don't even get to see Hannelore grow up?!" "Who will be able to take care of her as well as her own mom!" And the thoughts kept coming!
This happened when my oldest daughter was about 8-9 months old. I cried every day and many of the days I cried almost all day. I felt so out of touch with reality that I was a mess all the time. My fears consumed me. I would let them keep me from enjoying things I had always enjoyed. I had let them rob me of precious time I can't get back with my daughter. I let these fears rob me of my happiness.
This lasted for 2 months on a very severe level. Then I started getting more in touch with myself and the reality of life after that, but the process was SLOW. I would dare say that it took over a year to feel "normal" again.
Doctors called it a nervous breakdown. I never knew that a nervous breakdown was actually a thing, but I guess it is. Let me tell you what, it is scary and I hated it! I knew I never wanted to have that happen again and I was determined to stay on top of it and try and help others not have to go through something like that.